im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
