if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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