i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
