we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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