you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
