she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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