So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
