none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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