Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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