do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
