My room smells like vodka and shame
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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