I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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