I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
