maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize