i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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