In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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