Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
