I think i peed on brittanys purse
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
