Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
