We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
