he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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