it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
