remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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