So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
