i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
