Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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