i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
