maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
