nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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