They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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