I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
