I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
