That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
