Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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