She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
