I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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