My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
