And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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