my phone needs a breathalizer
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
