All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
