the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
