I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
