My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
