Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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