he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
