oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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