somebody snuck up and got me drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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