You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
