That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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