just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize