Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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