No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
