I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
