I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
