I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
