you guys were way drunker than both of me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
