He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When did angry sex become our thing?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
