She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
