I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
