But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
