If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
