You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
