he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
