mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
