Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
