I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize