I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
