is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
