rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
