i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
