omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can text with my tongue
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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