From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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