i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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