Reggie can tackle my bush.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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