Welp...herpes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
