i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
